The Glenn Beck Report

Welcome Aboard, Qu1n1an

At Glenn Beck Report we have very few moments of celebration. We certainly have plenty of mirth, but not too much to celebrate. It’s hard to feel very celebratory when there’s a nutjob on the loose egging people on to load up their guns and commit treason.

However, today is special! I have been fortunate enough to enlist the help of Qu1n1an, whom I met at the OathKeepers “10 Orders We Will Disobey” thread. (Now could this be social networking of the most unintended kind? Heheh, chomp on it Stewart Rhodes).

Qu1n1an is an atheist, which also happens to be my mode of rational thinking. They (I am using the word “they” because I have not met this person and therefore I am not assuming any gender) are a patriotic defender of reality and the Constitution, which gets the OathKeepers panties in a knot every time. Qu1n1an is much more polite than I am, and I am assuming therefore that s/he has much more patience. I just read the first blog post and Qu1n1an shows little patience for homophobia in specific and GOPERs in general.

We are grateful for the help to make GlennBeckReport better and more informative. The goal of this non-profit spot on the internet is to promote understanding of the political climate as it is being poisoned by the right wing gasbags like Glenn Beck. Please visit Qu1n1an’s blogspot on GlennBeckReport and say HOWDY!!!

I will leave it up to Qu1n1an to reveal as much or as little as they would like to about themselves. I am looking forward to getting to know them, as I am sure you are!

Welcome to the show!

Glenn Beck FAILS

Just when Glenn Beck thought it was safe to throw another frog into the boiling water, he got more bad ratings news. Some say that Glenn is so shaken by this that instead of barking he is actually going to run around the set with his arms flapping like gills screaming “I’m a guppie, I’m a guppie….”

On to the facts:

According to TVByTheNumbers, Beck’s show lost 25% of his total viewership in May and 23% in the demographic. This is despite his claims that he actually increased viewership in May.

The dispute about Beck’s ratings came up after it was reported (correctly) HERE that Beck had lost 1 million viewers in the last 9 months. So, whatever he had left just dropped by another 25%.

Who can say for sure why Glenn is flopping like a crappie? Is it his constant stream of lies? His growing insistence that there is a government conspiracy out to “get” him? His channeling of Cleon Skousen, infamous Mormon crackpot who never met a conspiracy theory that he didn’t invent and saw a commie behind every bush? Is it his cracked “history” lesson on “Founders Friday” which is more like Fractured Fairy Tales from Rocky and Bullwinkle? Is it his unholy alliance between the Mormon cult and Falwell’s Liberty University?

Who knows? But as Americans see Glenn Beck as more cracked and less relevant, I have to wonder if I’ll have to renew this domain name next September. By then, perhaps Rupert Murdoch will have figured out that Beck is dragging his already un-credible network into La-La-Land and that he can’t afford him… either the cracked ratings or the black hole of a money pit the show has become.

If Anthony Wiener’s attempt to regulate hawking gold on TV bears any fruit, Beck may well be completely out of sponsors. Then what?

Al and Tipper Gore announced today that they are planning to divorce.

Given that Glenn Beck is a full-time hypocrite about “leaving the family out of it”, and given that he is prone to attacking advocates of issues rather than the issue itself, and given that he’s bat-shit crazy, we here at The Glenn Beck Report can confidently say that Glenn will begin a new attack on Al Gore as soon as today (June 1).

I will be following this story closely and report what he says as it flows from his lying mouth like poop from a goose. Maybe he’ll do a little skit about it, like he did when he was imitating Malia Obama asking her dad why he “hates white people so much”. Oh, but leave the children out of it.

I have a couple of other stories in the hopper. I want to report on why Falwell’s Liberty University, a fundamental “Christian” college, had Mormon cultist Glenn Beck deliver the commencement address. Also, I’m working on my “Glenn Beck – Domestic Terrorist” page which will clarify exactly how and why Glenn Beck is advocating the overthrow of the US government. And, still in the works, “Glenn Beck VS the Fundie Xtians”, part 3. This has been complicated by Glenn’s commencement speech at Liberty U. I believe I have already solved that riddle, and will be reporting on the alliance made in hell.

UPDATE 6/3/10

Instead of taking on Al and Tipper directly, Glenn Beck put up a link to a Newsbusters story (right wingnut lying sacks of shit) that states that CBS News thinks Al & Tipper broke up because of George W. Bush.

Perhaps Glenn has learned his lesson about taking people on for family matters. I don’t think so. He’s not done with Al and Tipper Gore just yet. I have a hunch he’ll try to sneak some more loathsome attacks in later. I’ll be watching you, Glennie…

Glenn is already known for his psychotic episodes on live television.  There is talk that a high percentage, even as much as 60% of his audience, tunes in because of the train wreck freak show.  It’s not because they like Glenn or agree with him, they want to see the man-baby melt down.

On Friday, May 7, Glenn didn’t disappoint.  He was hosting his “Founder Friday” show, where he “educates” an audience of handpicked, paid actors about topics that any school kid in America already knows about.  Except with Glenn, it’s like he just discovered it and it’s so moving, it’s so, it’s, it’s…. WAAAAAHHHH!

So Beck starts up about George Washington, whose greatness Glenn attempts to usurp and caricature as his OWN greatness by assumption.  The assumption is that Glenn is an authority to judge the relative merits of George Washington as a President by him having a TV show and having read a book (or claiming to have read it).   Glenn measures his own greatness by implying that he is actually informing you about the greatness of George Washington.  Sorry, Glenn, but you screwed the pooch on this one.  You don’t have the gray matter upstairs to interpret history.  Those of us who actually have studied history, particularly American history and government, already know that you are a whack job full of misinformation looking for a gullible, uninformed vidiot to dump it on.

Therefore Friday’s show was a perfect example of how Glenn can’t help from choking up when he’s telling you about his right wing Mormon fantasies concerning America.  If I were a director, at 3:27 of this short segment I’d be yelling “CUT. Where’s the motivation???”

Glenn breaks down in tears over the notion that as the American government was forming in post-Revolutionary America, people thought that Washington would be a natural for President as he had already proven himself to be a leader and had name recognition (mostly good).  WTF, Glenn.  What’s to cry about, man-baby?  Did you forget to take your Xanax again?

Watch and enjoy…

OMIGOD.  Again, at 7:10, Glenn can’t stand the idea of Washington having to put on glasses to read a letter.  Holy Mormon juice, Glenn, if you’re going to cry about that, why don’t you ever cry about the millions of Americans who can’t even get glasses when they need them because they don’t have insurance that pays for vision?  (I’m wearing a prescription that is at least 8 years old and sometimes my eyes water but it ain’t because I watch Glenn Beck and need a good cry.)

IN OTHER NEWS….

Glenn told Don Imus that Mother’s Day is a “progressive scam”.  He doesn’t know what they are trying to get us to do, but he’s not doing it.  Well, of course you can’t do it, Glenn, because your mother committed suicide so she wouldn’t have to look at your fat face again. That was years after your father ran out claiming it HAD to be somebody else’s sperm.

For those of you who don’t know the history of Mother’s Day, (like Glenn Beck who claims in this very conversation to have researched it himself) here’s a link that explains the origins of Mother’s Day . Hint: It’s NOT a progressive plot and it’s not a conspiracy from the greeting card companies. Naturally, being a Mormon, Glenn would never think of a day honoring women, which to him are not persons but property that ought to STFU and spit babies out of their vaginas like a Tommy gun.

In the same conversation Glenn suggests that Obama may have blown up the BP oil rig.  The crazy train chugs along….

Just a quickie…

Glenn Beck’s ratings have dropped. Everyone has their 15 minutes, Glenn, I just hope yours doesn’t run out before the year I took this domain name out for. BTW, I’d be interested in selling it to you, Glenn. Have your people call my people, we’ll do lunch. I’m thinking maybe 1/32nd of what you made last year?

UPDATE 4/29: Here is an article that has the full information about Beck’s ratings drop.  He’s lost a million viewers in 9 months.  http://mediamatters.org/blog/201004150032

George Bush is a Progressive?

I just about dropped my beer when I heard that one. Holy shit, Glenn, not even you can twist that one around. OK, now I suppose you have to have SOME explanation as to why the Nazi Communist Marxist Fascist Socialist half-cursed man in the White House is carrying on with pretty much the same policies that Bush did. But calling Bush a “progressive” defies even the most active imagination of a hyperactive mind like yours.

Progressive? Since when do progressives start illegal wars, give tax cuts to the wealthy and corporations, gut environmental protections, de-ball OSHA, push for fossil fuel consumption, run around the world like a bully, ignore both Constitutional and statute law, and that’s just what he got done before breakfast?

Anyone who is calling Bush, ANY Bush, a “progressive” obviously does not know their ass from a hole in the ground.

But that was obvious already. Maybe by calling Bush a “progressive” you can get your ratings to come back up…?

Stay tuned, the lunacy is just beginning….

William W. Wexler, in a sweeping display of magnanimous generosity seldom seen in the hardball world of Mormon politics, has granted Glenn Beck a temporary stay of banishment from the airwaves.

Glenn Beck’s media career death sentence was handed down by Michael Wiener “Savage” (oooh, you SAVAGE!) during an interview he gave for cable TV in October of last year. Dr. Wiener called Beck “a hemorrhoid with eyes” (who the hell am I to argue with a doctor about anatomical abnormalities?) and predicted that he would be “gone from the airwaves” in 90 days or less. To help everyone keep track of this important date, I decided to host the Glenn Beck Meets the Temple of Doom – Off the Air! clock on this site. You can read more about this story HERE…

Since then, the clock expired twice and Glenn Beck is still on the air! Some of us wonder how that can be, since he has no sponsors at all in the UK and over 100 sponsors have pulled out of his US shows on Faux “News” Channel and Mercury Radio stations. (For an exact update on Beck’s sponsor boycott, still in progress, visit http://stopbeck.com/ and follow @stopbeck on Twitter.) So how is it that a known liar with paranoid delusional fantasies and a chalkboard famous for yielding up secret messages that only Glenn can interpret for us can stay on the air? Nobody at Faux News is denying that Glenn Beck is having an affair with Rupert Murdoch, who nobody is denying has a thing for young blonds.

At any rate, Glenn, I have decided to give you another 90 days. Sorry I had to block you on Twitter today, but if you unblock me I’ll unblock you. Meanwhile, now you’ll have to come here to find out what I’m writing about you. Maybe I’ll mention that you’re a bogus Mormon cultist. Or that you’re cracked.

OR that you have the fantasy that Obama has a hit squad just laying for you. Or that the opposite of socialism is anti-socialism.

Did you know that there is Marxist art available on the American internet!?!!?! Obama must have put it there personally, as I do not recall ever seeing it there before now! Imagine, the President trying to turn the nation into a peasant nation of socialist slaves! Oh my GAWD! Americans are being brainwashed into believing that Marxism is just a funny JOKE! What are we thinking? Our children, what about our children, laughing at slapstick while the guy with the duck-on-a-rope is plotting to take over the WORLD!

Hmmm.

UPDATE 4/29:

For more Marxist art, may I be so bold as to recommend any of the find collections of Marx Brothers films or Groucho’s zany show You Bet Your Life. There were some talented gents who were before their time.  Even if they shared a name with communism’s greatest theorist.

Karl Marx stated that the history of society is the history of class struggle.  Can anyone deny that since Ronald Reagan took office we have been doing exactly the same thing here in America?  I would entertain arguments that we have been fighting this fight long before Reagan, but as a child of the 50s, I sure see the balance of power shifting markedly up the food chain after Reagan’s inauguration.  During Bush’s term the population had to be held in check by fear, even as Bush’s banditos rode out of town with the loot in September 2008.  Now it’s becoming clearer exactly how the American economy was hijacked and ripped off.  The GOP seems to have taken sides with Wall Street, which is where Libertarians are as well.  No government regulations, right?  So where does that leave the Average Joe TeaBagger?

I’ll tell you where.  This is now the perfection of cognitive dissonance in a political movement.  In order to be a TeaBagger, you have to believe that the government should stay out of regulating the banks and financial institutions that have stolen the country blind.

In the week before the April 19 armed march on Washington (to commemorate Waco and the celebrate the Oklahoma City bombing),  there have been numerous attempts to revise and whitewash history.  Now that the right wing has lost any political credibility, they have been pushed further to the right and mesmerized by the mindless yammering of the cynical and insane loudmouths in the right wing media.  Glenn Beck is the combination of cynicism and insanity.  His brain is malfunctioning from years of drug and alcohol abuse, a lousy home life, untreated mental illness, and membership in a cult (Mormons).

I am working up a page of Glenn Beck quotes to document his calls to the faithful for treasonous and murderous acts against the legally elected government of the United States.  The following is an excerpt from an email I received from David Swanson, author of the book Daybreak – Undoing the Imperial Presidency and Forming a More Perfect Union.  David Swanson is the co-founder of the After Downing Street Coalition, which describes themselves as

…  a nonpartisan coalition of over 200 veterans groups, peace groups, and political activist groups that has worked since May 2005 to pressure both Congress and the media in order to hold Bush, Cheney, and their aides accountable for crimes and abuses of power. The coalition takes its name from the emergence in May and June of 2005 of several documents that quickly came to be known as the Downing Street Memos.

Daybreak is an excellent book which I would recommend for anyone who is interested in repairing the damage done to our government through decades of laziness and inattention by the electorate.  This book documents the problems and proposes solutions.  I would suggest that the TeaBaggers who look to Glenn Beck ought to do a little bit of research so they have some ideas instead of just running around with guns like a mob waving Gadsden flags and signs with pictures depicting the President as Hitler.  Obviously, they are clueless.  This book would be a good place for them to get a clue.

But I digress. Here’s the quote from David Swanson’s email that I thought was appropriate for the ignorant, Astro-turfing, racist traitors that will be in the streets on Monday, April 19 celebrating Waco and the Oklahoma City bombing.

You didn’t get mad when the Supreme Court stopped a legal recount and appointed a President.

You didn’t get mad when Cheney allowed Energy company officials to dictate energy policy.

You didn’t get mad when a covert CIA operative got outed.

You didn’t get mad when the Patriot Act got passed.

You didn’t get mad when we illegally invaded a country that posed no threat to us.

You didn’t get mad when we spent over 600 billion (and counting) on said illegal war.

You didn’t get mad when over 10 billion dollars just disappeared in Iraq.

You didn’t get mad when you saw the Abu Grahib photos.

You didn’t get mad when you found out we were torturing people.

You didn’t get mad when the government was illegally wiretapping Americans.

You didn’t get mad when we didn’t catch Bin Laden.

You didn’t get mad when you saw the horrible conditions at Walter Reed.

You didn’t get mad when we let a major US city drown.

You didn’t get mad when the deficit hit the trillion dollar mark.

You finally got mad when.. when… wait for it… when the government decided that people in America deserved the right to see a doctor if they are sick. Yes, illegal wars, lies, corruption, torture, stealing your tax dollars to make the rich richer, are all OK with you but helping other Americans… well fuck that.

That about right? You know it is.

After Downing Street

Have a nice day, Glenn, hope you’re enjoying your $32 million.

UPDATE 4/15/10

After having a day or so to reflect on the above post, I thought a couple of updates were in order.

First off, Rachel Maddow did a great job of clarifying the marches last night in the set up for her interview with Homeland Security Czar Janet Napolitano. There is one armed march, one with no guns. Apparently the Capitol Police will not allow gun-toting maniacs into the nation’s public square. However, there will still be one armed march across the river to the point where Astro-turfers believe they can provoke and threaten the US Government (meaning you and me) as much as they want.

Secondly, the Oathkeepers, a group of self-proclaimed protectors of the People (excellent article about them in Mother Jones) have dropped out of the armed march. Apparently they thought some of the rhetoric was too inflammatory. I dunno, if it’s too inflammatory for Oathkeepers, a group that swears to disobey legal orders from superiors in the military and police force, I’m not sure with whom the TeaBaggers will resonate. The ghost of Benito Mussolini?

Thirdly, the link at AfterDowningStreet given above contains the excerpt that I posted. However, it goes on to equally scold the Democrats, who are another wholly-owned subsidiary of Corporation World USA. I chose to use the section above because it is so apropos for the TeaBagger wingnuts in the street.

Lastly, there is a larger point here and I want to make sure it’s not missed. Those of you who get it, please forgive me while I slap those who don’t get it in the face with a large, wet trout. The reason why y’all suddenly got religion over the Constitution is because they’s a darkey in the White House.

Thanks, and have a nice day, especially you Mormon cultists who believe that black people are cursed by God.

Glenn Beck has followers who hang on his every word and swear he’s the only one in media who is telling the truth. He hates to disappoint, but quite honestly, he’s not interested in politics unless there’s money involved.

An article penned by Lacey Rose to appear in the April 26 Forbes magazine states what should be obvious to anyone who’s been paying attention. Of course, Beck’s faithful are not paying attention, so they aren’t going to like this one bit. Glenn says “I could give a flying crap about the political process.” In fact, the only thing he appears to give a crap about is turning everything he touches into gold at the expense of gullible people who believe that he’s just some ordinary populist guy who got mad as hell and can’t take it any more.

According to the article, Beck’s business concerns took in $32 million (yes, 32) in the year ending March 1 2010. His primary stock in trade is paranoid delusional conspiracy theories, character assassination, outright lies, and fighting buzz words designed to put the deranged on the street with loaded weapons. Anyone reading this from a foreign nation may be surprised that Americans would spend this kind of money on this kind of bullshit. But you have to remember our history.

During the last half century we have undergone a massive upheaval of so-called “traditional values”. Those values still have a lot of support among certain groups, for example, Glenn Beck’s Mormon “church”. Racism and sexism are coded into their religion. Black people are cursed by God, and women know their place… or else. The Anglo population is predicted to become a minority during the first half of this new century, which is frightening to White America who identify this nation’s institutions, history, Founders, and so on as being lily-white as the driven snow. Just as America believes in American exceptionalism, white America believes in white exceptionalism.

Glenn Beck has figured out how to tap into this fear and loathing of change. Electing a half-black President couldn’t have come along at a more perfect time for Beck. Think of what he was doing just 2 short years ago at CNN. Sucking wind, for one thing. Now he’s such a darling for Fox that Rupert Murdoch is financing his show out of his own pocket.

All of this is transparent to the Beckerhead consumer. They don’t care about anything other than Beck offers an explanation for their misery and keeps stoking their fear. We like violence in this country. Don’t be surprised if there’s violence on the streets of Washington DC on April 19, the day that Beck’s TeaBaggers are going into the streets armed to celebrate the anniversary of Waco and the Oklahoma City bombing.

Anyone killed or injured in this process is just collateral damage. As long as it brings in more money, it’s good. All good.

David Frum is a well-known figure in the conservative political world. His last big gig was speechwriter for George W. Bush. Here is his reaction to those who approached health care reform by lying about it, reviling it, inserting outrageous amendments into it, and never, ever, EVER intending to cast a vote for it (or support it in any way). You might have seen some of these people at your town halls this summer, or Glenn Beck’s 1000 man march, or on the evening news with guns and holsters strapped to their legs, holding signs depicting Obama as Hitler or The Joker, yelling racial epithets, and claiming the the Democrats won’t be happy until there are Death Panels to kill you, your grandparents, and your children.

Here’s what David Frum says to YOU… (Listen up, Glennie-boy, he’s talking about YOU).

“No illusions please: This bill will not be repealed. Even if Republicans scored a 1994 style landslide in November, how many votes could we muster to re-open the “doughnut hole” and charge seniors more for prescription drugs? How many votes to re-allow insurers to rescind policies when they discover a pre-existing condition? How many votes to banish 25 year olds from their parents’ insurance coverage? And even if the votes were there – would President Obama sign such a repeal?

We followed the most radical voices in the party and the movement, and they led us to abject and irreversible defeat.

Hmmm. “The most radical voices in the party and the movement.” I wonder WTF he could be talking about.

Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, Mike Weiner Savage, Laura Ingram, John Boehner, Michelle Bachmann, Steve King, Eric Cantor, Virginia Foxx, Gretchen Carlson, Bill O’Reilly… the list is seemingly endless.

Frum is exactly right. The intellectual, moderate conservative movement has been shoved out the door by radical politicians and talk show hosts and the radical political entrepreneurs who host them on the airwaves. Rupert Murdoch and Gold Bond powder.

You tried everything you could to kill health care. You made up lies about it. You hired slick PR firms to come up with half a billion dollars worth of negative TV about it. You chatted it up endlessly as socialism, communism, baby-killing, anti-American, un-Constitutional, unnecessary, invasion of privacy, and so on. You lied. Oh, the lies were grand, the conspiracy theories were exquisite, and the whole lot of it did no good for you at all.

FAIL.

=========================================

To be continued….

Glenn has been licking his chops and sharpening his knives waiting for a new opportunity to “scoop” the socialist-Nazi-fascist-communist agenda of some target like Van Jones, the former Commissar of Comrade Obama’s Ministry of Energy.  When Eric Massa,  self-ousted US Representative from NY29th Congressional District  started running into problems, and then when he started going bat-shit-wakko, Glenn thought he might be able to get some juicy tidbits to stoke the fires under his boiling pot of conspiracy theory goo.

Glenn actually went on the defense/offense for Massa, claiming that he was really not one of the Bad Guys.  At least not any more.  Glenn said on Monday that Eric Massa was “like a Soviet defector”.  LOL. Oh, the information you can get from a former enemy of the state who turns. You see, if you’re a Democrat, you’re not really serving in the US government, you’re serving in the former Soviet Union.  It’s an insider game, you have to be a member of the communist-fascist-socialist-Nazi party first, but then once you prove your depth of loathing for America, and spit on/burn an American flag, then you can become a Democrat.

Beck decided to give Massa an entire hour today (Tuesday) to chat about all of the comings and goings-on in the belly of the Beast. a.k.a., the Democratic Party caucus of the US House of Representatives.

Some of you who frequent this site know that I never actually watch Glenn Beck’s show, but after watching some of the clips today I rather wish that I had.  Eric Massa must be a double agent, Glenn, because his idiotic, insane blathering made YOU look like a the guy in the big pants who just got seltzer squirted into them.  It was HILARIOUS! Beck had the look of someone who had just been delivered the knockout punch but hasn’t hit the floor yet. He was non-plussed, no matter what he did, no matter what tricks he tried, he couldn’t get Massa to say anything except that Rahm Emmanuel poked him while in a shower in the Congressional gym locker room. With his FINGER, now I know how some of you think!

This is a very weird story, and it’s just weirder because Beck hyped it up on his radio and TV shows yesterday, even getting negative attention from Michelle Malkin and Rush Limbaugh. (Today Rush promised to leave the country in 5 years if the current health care plan passes. If we all chip in $100, maybe he’ll leave in 1 year?) So once again the Beckster suffers and epic FAIL, this one might even have Rupert Murdoch wondering why the hell he’s footing the bill for Beck’s dippy show. Could it be the end of Glenn Beck’s free ride on the airwaves?

—————————————————————————–

I will update this post later this week; I am rather posted out this evening having written my first and probably last “diary” over at DailyKos.  Markos Moulitsas made a point of joining Glenn Beck today with baseless attacks on two of my favorite progressives, Dennis Kucinich and Ralph Nader.  Kucinich was on Keith Olbermann Monday night delivering a succinct and cogent argument as to why we shouldn’t settle for the current health care bill.  I guess if you do that, you’re Ralph Nader and you caused 2 wars and everything wrong in the world today by “stealing” the election from Al Gore in 2000.  Really?!!?   If you want to read and comment on the “diary”, here’s a link:

wwwexler DailyKos diary

That’s it for now.