Glenn Beck Fun Facts
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Amaze your friends – dazzle your enemies – frazzle your frenamies
Here at glennbeckreport.com Quinn and I always strive to keep our visitors coming back for both the enlightenment and the entertainment. Some have suggested that we may be the perfect fusion of this; I am not exactly sure I agree with that, but I am absolutely sure that you will enjoy this brand new feature, Glenn Beck Fun Facts. As the name suggests, this page will be facts about Glenn Beck, some with citations, some with links, some for you to find out about all out on your own! However, we will vouch for them, and may even defend them; they are NOT just things that were made up, say, like 95% of Beck’s show, his life, and his entire reason for existing.
One thing we have noticed about the right wing is that they are very demanding. They become extremely demanding for documentation when anyone presents any facts they disagree with. However, if Glenn Beck told them that Obama wasn’t really a Kenyan after all, instead he’s from Planet Zorkon, they’d swallow it whole and ask for another.
We will try to update this on a somewhat regular basis, perhaps daily, perhaps not. Enjoy!
November 22, 2010
Do you ever get the impression that Glenn Beck has had very little contact with reality for a very long time? For example, he makes things up and states them as factual when anyone who has been paying attention, even just a little bit, knows that it’s wrong. Glenn Beck Fact number 13 is that often when Glenn Beck isn’t deliberately lying, he unintentionally makes mistakes and rarely offers a correction or apology. For example, in his first book, The Real America, Glenn states on page 145
I ask you to point to the U.S. occupying forces in the former Axis power countries. You can’t because they don’t exist.
Well, yes they do, Glenn. In 2007, roughly contemporary to Glenn’s statement, the US had 255,000 military personnel located in 65 countries around the world. And if you guessed that there are still military installations in Germany, Italy, and Japan, pat yourself on the top of the head.
Glenn might try to parse the word “occupy” to mean “defend”. However, the word “occupy” means that something is in a spot.
Glenn Beck is frequently known to pile a stack of books on his set and page through them as if he reads. “I do all my own research”, he likes to say.
The other statement he repeats ad nauseum is more congruent with Fact Number 13. “Don’t believe ME, look it up for yourselves.” Finally something from Beck that makes sense.
November 15, 2010
What if Glenn Beck’s starry-eyed “discoveries” about the conspiracies of the progressives and Woodrow Wilson and the socialists and the communist art and the Rockefellers were not really discoveries at all? What if, in fact, his entire shtick was a premeditated rehash-verging-on-plagiarism of discredited Mormon white supremacist claptrap from the middle of the last century?
Well, Fact number 12 is that Beck indeed is guilty of exactly that. First of all, his strategy for waging war on a Democrat victory in 2008 was set well before the election. When Beck talks about books he’s read that “prove” his ideas, he’s talking about a few tomes by discredited hysterical Mormon fringests Cleon Skousen and Ezra Taft Benson. I am planning a page on these and other “roots” influences of Beck, and will do so at a later time. But for today, feel confident in telling your Becktard friends that Glenn is a thief. He has stolen his crap from The 5000 Year Leap, The Naked Capitalist, the John Birch Society, and other right wing conspiracy theorists who went before him. Beck has even cultivated the long-standing relationship between the extreme Mormon fundies and the Christian fundies in the Falwell organization.
November 11, 2010
If there’s one thing that Glenn Beck stands for it’s America. Damn right. He’s as American as apple pie and, er, motherhood? This is the curious conundrum of Fact number 11. Beck lied about his own mother’s death to sensationalize and use it for his phony cover story of how his life turned around. Beck’s story: his mother committed suicide.
The real story: Beck’s divorced mother went on a boating date with a boyfriend Orean Carroll in May 1979 in Puget Sound. Mother Mary had been divorced for 2 years at the time, it’s not known how long she’d been seeing Mr. Carroll, who owned a 24 foot boat. Mary Beck had custody of Glenn from the ex-husband, William, which seems odd because the story goes that she suffered from depression and chemical addiction. His dad must have been a real prize, too.
The boat was found adrift with an empty pint of vodka and a very much alive pet dog who belonged to Mary. There was no sign of foul play, no sign of anything. No sign, that is, until the bodies washed up in the next day or so. They were fully clothed and showed no signs of injury.
The Tacoma Police told the News Tribune that it was a classic case of someone falling overboard and then the rescuer perishing in the attempt to save the first victim. That is the simplest explanation. That is what everyone who knew Mary Beck thought at the time, as nobody who knew her came forward and said she was suicidal. The coroner ruled the drowning as accidental, and the case was closed. I can only imagine what happened to the dog.
Flash forward to a future year of convenience in the 1990s. Glenn Beck needs some rationale, some gut-wrenching, life-churning, reality-checking moment to account for his sudden self-rescue from the rotting life of drug abuse, alcohol abuse, and radio biz backstabbing. So suddenly he comes up with the idea that his mother didn’t actually drown accidentally, she committed suicide. Oh, and it didn’t happen in 1979, it happened in 1977. He claims to have seen a short note.
This story was so made-up that the very first time his wife Claire heard it was when Beck first quacked it into a radio microphone. Claire never heard the story before and Claire had been with Glenn for about a decade. Nor had anyone else.
So why is Fact number 11 significant? What does it mean? It means that Glenn Beck has proven once again that dragging his family into his show and his politics is A-OK with him. It means that he made up a cock-and-bull story about his mom killing herself because he thought it would help his career. It proves that nothing is really sacred to this little weasel. He’ll crap on the memory of his own mother if it will make him a dollar.
November 10, 2010
Here’s a disclaimer about Fact number 10. I don’t want you to read this if you’ve already bathed today, because when you have read this you will want to take another shower or bath. With an anti-bacterial soap.
Fact number 10 goes all the way back to the early days of Beck’s writing career… (oh, and BTW, did you know he actually writes BOOKS?!). In fact, this book is the VERY FIRST Glenn Beck book, his challenge to the nasty people who live within 10 miles of the coast in America, called The Real America – Messages from the Heart and Heartland.
Alexander Zaitchik’s book Common Nonsense references the irony, cognitive dissonance, and complete disconnect between the cover picture of Glenn Beck on this book. Zaitchik accurately describes the environment of radio operations; shacks underneath rural towers, “offices” in abandoned strip malls, smoke, dope, coke, backstabbing, clawing your way from one ratings period to the next. Plenty of moving around. So for Beck to stick a picture of himself on a cornfield with a barn in the back is so utterly false as to rip the left half of your brain from the right half.
But WAIT. I haven’t even gotten to Fact number 10. In Beck’s first book, his message to/from the heartland, he includes 5 pages of pedophilia incest porn that boggles the mind and decapitates him from the eyes up. Beck riffs on doing his sister. Yes, it’s true, that’s Fact number 10.
If you do not have a sensitive stomach, I invite you to view the video at the following link: Beck Incest Fantasy.
The rationale behind this twisted, possibly fictional event is even sicker. Beck wrote this as his way of explaining his homophobia. Yes, he compared gays to incest. He has also compared gay sex to sex with animals. Is there anything that Glenn won’t say? Probably not, although I am not sure whether he has compared it to necrophilia yet, even though he has commented on the radio about having sex with brain dead people. Does that count?
I apologize for any inconvenient hurling, and promise that tomorrow’s fact will be less grotesque than today’s.
November 9, 2010
One of Beck’s biggest FAILS is his lack of star drawing power. He has lost his shine, his mojo, and his crowds are dwindling. Fact number 9 is that despite his claim to have drawn between 300,000 and 650,000 to the National Mall on 8-28, the only scientific evidence available are high-resolution photos that show that the crowd peaked at about 87,000. The aerial photos were commissioned by CBS News and reviewed by 3 different independent experts to provide some reality to the inevitable argument about how many Becktards and TeaBaggers can dance on a pinhead.
In a related factoid, Beck’s estimate of the crowd is over 7 times greater than who actually showed up. But Michelle Bachman, the bizarre abortion just re-elected from Minnesota’s 6th District, demanded that the crowd was 1 million. Her phony number is almost 12 times bigger than Reality’s number.
Michele Bachmann deserves her own page somewhere. As someone who lived and worked in Minnesota for 30 years, I just can’t imagine how the people who live in that district could elect such an obvious lunatic. As a musician, I worked in clubs from St. Cloud to St. Paul, a line drawn straight through the middle of that district. She’s an Elk River girl, and I could write a chapter about two clubs we worked just a few miles apart, one in Elk River and the other in Anoka. This was just on the cusp of the great northwest expansion of Minneapolis, and back then it was a blue collar part of the world. But at least it wasn’t insane. More on this another time.
November 8, 2010
Fact number 7 is interesting and telling. From the time Glenn Beck was a child he wanted to be in radio and dreamed of being like Orson Welles, famous Mercury Radio Arts star. But in Fact number 8, we discover that Beck’s uber-patriotism shtick led him to believe that he was Bob Hope, too. Beck spent a couple of weeks on an aircraft carrier in the Persian Gulf at the same time Bob Hope did. This led Glenn to tell us that he wrote jokes and material for Bob Hope. Bob Hope is not here to defend himself, but Beck kept this lie going for many years, until during a radio tribute on an important Bob Hope anniversary (birthday?) his radio side-kick let it slip that Bob Hope actually rejected Beck’s material. Not too hard to believe, since Bob Hope was a seasoned professional who had spent many years in war zones entertaining the troops. Glenn Beck, on the other hand, just another wannabe refugee from the world of shock jock/morning zoo who wanted to make a name for himself.
This is fun, isn’t it?
November 7, 2010
Today’s Glenn Beck facts are a series about the sanctity of marriage vows, the wrath of God, and leaving your enemy’s family members out of political or business squabbles.
Fact number 1: Glenn Beck met his first wife Claire while working at WPCG, a station in Washington DC where Beck moved in 1983. They married and had 2 kids, Mary and Hannah. Mary, born in 1988, is incapacitated with cerebral palsy from a series of strokes she had as an infant. Bad seed? Wrath of God? Druggie birth defects? You check those out, ok?
Oh, and BTW, Claire, what happened to Claire? She dumped Beck in 1994 because she thought he was a hopeless drug addict and drunk. But he’d never draw his family members into a political debate, though, would he. Well, Fact number 2, yes he did bring his disabled daughter onstage in a stadium rally on May 24, 2003. On the very last stop in the 17 city “Rally For America” Tour, as described in Alex Zaitchik’s book Common Nonsense, Beck dragged Mary out on the stage just before Lee Greenwood did “(Oh yes and how) I’m Proooooud to Beeee and Amerikaaaaaaaan, for at least I know I’m faaahreeeee….” What the little girl had to do with anything was anybody’s guess. Some thought he brought her out there as a prop. To help him bust out weeping.
Flash back in time with us. In 1987, Glenn moved to Phoenix, Arizona to station KOY-95 FM. He was in a ratings war with an old friend from Washington DC named Bruce Kelly, with whom Beck and future wife Claire double-dated. Glenn and Bruce were radio partners, hung out together, and were co-enabling heavy drug and alcohol abusers. Got it so far? Fact number 3, in 1987, Beck moved into a ratings war against his former best buddy. The competition between the two former friends became so vicious that when Kelly’s wife Terry had a miscarriage, Glenn called Terry to make amends. WHAT, REALLY? No, not really. Alexander Zaitchik reports Fact number 4:
A couple of days after Kelly’s wife, Terry, had a miscarriage, Beck called her live on the air and says ‘We heard you had a miscarriage,’ remembers Brad Miller, a former Y95 deejay and Clear Channel programmer. ‘When Terry said yes, Beck proceeded to joke about how Bruce apparently can’t do anything right- he can’t even have a baby.’
What happened next is classic. In 1987, while Glenn Beck was doing a victory lap around the fact that his former best friend’s pregnancy ended in a tragic, gutwrenching, loss, Beck’s wife Claire was in a pregnancy which Glenn was using every day as part of his radio shtick. He was doing the predictable stuff, asking listeners to guess the delivery date and sex of the baby. Big buildup. Fact number 5. Well, that pregnancy was the birth of his daughter Mary, the daughter born with cerebral palsy. I wonder if Terry and Bruce Kelly ever thought about calling you up on the radio to ask you about your handicapped child? Well, if they did think about it, they never actually followed through. However, since you are the world’s biggest asshole (DISCLAIMER: this is my opinion but has been arrived at through research and not just randomly) I think that somebody should call you out in public. So I’M DOING IT, Glenn. I don’t have to worry about being politically correct with scum like you. What was it, Glenn? Was it your drug and alcohol use? Did you and Claire like to drink while gestating? Maybe a little bit too much coke, you know that makes preemies, don’t you?
There’s an old saying in Texas, Glenn. It probably works in Arizona, too, and in New York City. Fact number 6, “What goes around comes around”.