The Glenn Beck Report

As a new feature to help keep everyone informed about the world’s biggest and most soulless liar, GlennBeckReport.com is launching a new page, Glenn Beck Facts. Be sure to check it out, we will be updating from time to time with bits of information about Glenn Beck that he has been mostly but not completely successful in suppressing.

There has been some excellent reporting about Beck’s early life. I am reading Alexander Zaitchik’s book Common Nonsense, Glenn Beck and the Triumph of Ignorance. I endorse the book wholeheartedly as a fine piece of journalism, but I do not mean to imply that Mr. Zaitchik endorses this site. (I suspect that he might, though). You should buy this book if you want to understand where Glenn Beck is coming from. It will blow your mind. I always knew Beck was a lying sack of crap, but there is stuff in this book that will turn your stomach.

We hope you enjoy the new feature and find it even more useful than fusing entertainment and enlightenment.

As a new feature to help keep everyone informed about the world’s biggest and most soulless liar, GlennBeckReport.com is launching a new page, Glenn Beck Facts. Be sure to check it out, we will be updating from time to time with bits of information about Glenn Beck that he has been mostly but not completely successful in suppressing.

There has been some excellent reporting about Beck’s early life. I am reading Alexander Zaitchik’s book Common Nonsense, Glenn Beck and the Triumph of Ignorance. I endorse the book wholeheartedly as a fine piece of journalism, but I do not mean to imply that Mr. Zaitchik endorses this site. (I suspect that he might, though). You should buy this book if you want to understand where Glenn Beck is coming from. It will blow your mind. I always knew Beck was a lying sack of crap, but there is stuff in this book that will turn your stomach.

We hope you enjoy the new feature and find it even more useful than fusing entertainment and enlightenment.

As we spend the last few hours before the 2010 midterm elections contemplating the events of the last __________ years, (here’s where you fill in the blank depending on your political persuasion) it is becoming increasing alarming that in fact we are at the beginning of the end.

When America took back the reins of power from the GOP in 2008 by electoral force it was an emergency situation and the country was getting ready to drive off the cliff. We’ve spent two years trying to prevent that from happening while getting nothing but pure-D racist paranoid delusional resistance from the GOP, their corporation sponsors, and their 24/7 political network that is currently functional as a propaganda arm of the right wing, right out in broad daylight. This is a news organization that fundraises for a political party right on the air. Fox is a “news” organization where the news is made up hourly, and anything that possibly looks bad for Obama and/or the Democrats is echoed back to a deafening roar, until it’s proven false after which it simply vanishes as if it never existed. There is no editorial control over any story for facts, for content, for anything. It is idiots writing idiotic crap for Idiot America, who believes anything as long as it’s repeated often enough and loud enough.

So the short story here is that there has been some progress made despite the GOP and their propaganda machine, funded by Gold Line “investments” and Gold Bond powder. Are Americans ready to let this nation slip back into the chaos of the the Bush years? According to the right wing talking heads, we sure as hell are.

We have reached a situation that is so bizarre that it is as if the monkeys are running the zoo. We have slipped a cog in the national intelligence if the best qualification for running for elected office is that you don’t know anything about the office you’re running for. We have blown a national gasket when we are quite possibly going to send Sharon Angle and Joe Miller to the United States Senate for 6 year terms, which they will have won without having to answer one question, not ONE, from their opponents, their constituents, or political reporters. Iowa is getting ready to re-elect Chuck Grassley to his umpteenth term in the US Senate, where he has made an ass out of himself and humiliated the people of this fine state. Pull the plug on Grannie, indeed, Mr. Grassley. You should pull your head out of your ass and look at what the insurance industry largely officed in Des Moines has done to the people of your state. Insurance rates here went up 25 to 50% for people who have no more money to give. We’re making choices about whether to pay for pills or food. And Grassley doesn’t have the COMMON DECENCY to sit down in a public debate with his opponent and answer some questions about the issues.

Why are all these GOPER candidates afraid to debate? Simple It’s because they know they will get their asses kicked out of the hall. They are wrong about everything, they don’t have any supported facts on their side, all they have commercials by the thousands that stir up fear and discontent without actually stating any factual information or what they will do differently to fix the problem.

The Democrats are nothing to write home about. From a progressive socialist point of view, they are a miserable FAIL. They failed to hold trials to determine if war crimes were committed by the last administration. They failed to end domestic electronic spying. They failed to present a single payer health plan as an option. They have failed miserably, predictably, genetically (or so it seems). All of this failure must be weighed carefully against the resistance they have felt from the GOP plus the gravitas of the situation left in the ruins of Washington DC by the Bush gang of torturing thieves who robbed the national treasury on their way out of town.

A Slight Glimmer of Hope Still Remains

If America’s reaction to the last 2 years is to return control of the Congress to the same people who got us into this mess in the first place, the people who eagerly sought to fight the wrong war in the middle east because of its oil potential, who bust unions, cut off unemployment insurance benefits, write up financial paper that has so many hooks and crooks in it that a New York lawyer can only scratch their head in amazement, if we re-elect the same people who shit on the 98% of us every single time they get a chance, then I’m with Reverend Wright on his one point. It’s not “God bless America.” It’s God DAMN America. The chickens…. are coming home to roost. America’s CHICKENS… are coming HOME to ROOST. We cannot accept the ignorance of our electorate, we cannot tolerate the duplicity of our media, we cannot hide behind these as excuses for the atrocious acts of our government. Our CHICKENS are coming home to ROOST.

They will be swearing them in on January 18th, I believe. If it’s Angle, O’Donnell, Milller, Grassley, Boehner, Cantor, McConnell, Paul, and the rest of that group of amoral cretins running the show, you may as well just pack it in. If you’re under 40 and have a college degree you can move to Canada. It’s 25 years too late for us… but you can still do it.

Get out while you can.

MSNBC has been running a public service promotional campaign of media from American history; the good, the bad, the terrible, the awesome, all put together to create an inspiring video mashup message to America. The message: We should not be back on our heels, we should lean forward into the adversity we face, find some unity, and pull together to lift America out of this mess by our bootstraps.

Some people may argue that this is a silly idea for an ad campaign. Some may disagree with the premise entirely. Some just reject it politically, you know, the genuine “hate America first” crowd on the right wing who are so superior to everyone else, you know, the real fiscal elitists, the leeches who think they know that Americans are way too stupid to try to find common ground and actually work together to fix problems. In trying to find this video clip I came across several wannabes who thought that they were having fun with it by denigrating it. The fools making themselves look more foolish by attempting to cut of the message they think they somehow “own” at the knees.

But not to be outdone, Glenn Beck, noted Mormon homophobe and de facto prince of the religious whack job Christians who don’t even actually realize that Beck is a heretic, had to take this inspirational message and turn it into a homophobic slur. “Bend over”, Glenn says.

Bend over, indeed.

One of the most disreputable and repugnant features of the common right-wing white male is that for some reason that defies explanation, they all seem to be fascinated by anal sex. And not only THAT, it’s also OK to joke about it. This has become so infused into our culture that even late night comedians on broadcast TV crack jokes about “grabbing your ankles” and “soap on a rope” and any number of remarks with innuendo about gay sex, and particularly anal rape.

If any one of these simians were to make a similar comment about women being raped in the ass, they would be off of TV in a matter of minutes. So why the double standard? I believe that it is white male rage at the advances made by LGBT activists over the last few decades. Dyke jokes are ok, too, but any guy who is liberal should just bend over and grab your ankles. At least according to Glenn Beck and his sexist, moronic friends.

UPDATE 10/26: While Rush Limbaugh was discussing the story of Rand Paul’s county campaign coordinator Tim Profitt who stomped on the head belonging to MoveOn.Org’s Lauren Valle (see story below), he just couldn’t tell the story. At least he couldn’t tell the story without saying (you guessed it):

“… it’s not like they’re going to just bend over and grab their ankles”.

This was in reference to the slings and arrows of Lauren Valle, who actually showed up once at some rally in 2008 for the Environmental Defense Fund or equally optimistic group. Nope, Rand Paul and his crew of manly men who tackled an unarmed woman on a public street and then stomped on her head would never do any ankle-grabbing.

As Glenn Beck makes a mocking gesture to those Americans concerned about the billions of unaccounted dollars flowing into 527s, the nuttery of Beck and all GOP candidates is reaching a fevered pitch in the final week before what the media is advertising as a GOP blowout midterm.

As noted here a few days ago, the issue of offshore money buying politicians to influence US foreign policy briefly crossed the national radar. Most Americans, if you ask them, would say that it’s a bad thing when the Chinese or Israeli governments or Saudi royalty send millions of dollars to the US Chamber of Commerce to be laundered and sent on to candidates that will vote favorably on their issues if the money is right. Not to Glenn, though. He thinks it’s hilarious, and to prove that it’s a “joke” he donated $10 grand while on the air. There. That proves it. Not all the money is coming from other governments, some of it is coming from Mormon multi-millionaires who are trying to integrate church and state.

Meanwhile back at the ranch….

Aqua-Buddha/bondage freak/kidnapper Rand Paul’s campaign has hit a new low. They are bringing a particularly savory irony to the Gadsden flag’s ominous warning: “Don’t tread on me.” This time they are literally stomping on the head of a woman who was trying to get a picture of Rand with a sign that links him to the GOP, which is perfectly appropriate since he’s just another GOP toadie. Watch this UN-BELIEVABLE video for yourself:

It’s obvious that the woman is down on the ground and it’s obvious that she is presenting no threat to anyone. She was stomped on the head by one of Paul’s thugs and suffered a concussion. The cops claim they can’t identify the “tough guy” who beat on a woman half his size. Just go look in your wife-beater files, you’ll find him there.

Update 10/27:

The Rand Paul Stomper, Tim Profitt, now claims that Ms Valle owes HIM an apology. I guess it’s her fault that Paul’s thugs attacked her, knocked her to the street, and then put him into a position where he couldn’t help but stomp on her head because he has a bad back.

Sometimes you should just quit while you’re ahead, dude.

UPDATE 10/26:

The stomper (what a manly man!) has been identified as Rand Paul’s Bourbon County Campaign Coordinator Tim Profitt. There is a criminal warrant out for his arrest and MoveOn.Org representatives say that they will take this one to the wall. Good on them, this kind of intimidation from right wing thugs has gone on far too long.

We’re still getting a lot of material from Christine O’Donnell, a.k.a. Samantha Stevens, who can’t open her piehole without delivering another gem of wisdom. Last one was when she questioned whether separation of church and state is actually in the 1st Amendment. Wait a minute… these TeaBaggers are supposed to be experts on the Constiution, aren’t they? Then why is it that none of them, not one, understands that the US government is not to be involved with religion? NOT ONE. They’re all a bunch of religious bigots who are trying to cram Christianity down everybody’s throat. Even Christine, who is presently not a witch.

Sharon Angle, who has implied that if she doesn’t win the election that she will shoot Harry Reid, is quickly becoming the most unglued candidate in American history. She has been taking it in the chops for the most unusual ad in political history… an ad that exhorts Latinos to (no kidding) “DON’T VOTE”. WTF? Don’t vote? Shouldn’t that ad be illegal or something?

Joe Miller admits he lied, then he admits he was lying about what he lied about, then he explains the whole lie. If you can follow that, you are probably a more genuine Yale graduate than Miller is. So here’s the story. First Miller lied about accessing data from computers. Then he admitted accessing the computers, but lied about the data. Then he admitted that he lied about what he was doing with the data, too. Joe Miller’s succinct explanation: “I lied”.

Joe Miller has a curious bunch of supporters. Rachel Maddow did everything she could to get an interview with Miller, who obviously cannot stand up to any critical questions without up-chucking more of his absurd talking points. His supporters are smitten with the same problem. Rachel was doing interviews with supporters while waiting for Miller to emerge from a “debate”. She asked one of them why he supported Miller, to which he responded “Because of what Eric Holder did on guns in the legislature”. WTF? Rachel and I both wanted to know what that was, since Holder has never been in any elected office. This is where it gets fun. She asked the guy to name one specific thing that Holder has done about gun rights. Just name one thing. “Google it”, he said. “Google to find out what Holder and Obama have done to the 2nd Amendment”. In other words, this person graduated from the Search Engine of I Can’t Remember.

McDonalds tells employees to vote Republican… or else.

A McDonalds store in Canton, Ohio issued a written warning to all of its employees stating that if Republicans didn’t win the election, nobody would get raises or benefits. This unbelievable, illegal, and patently absurd warning was in a written memo to employees as reported by Huffington Post’s Amanda Terkel.

Terkel reports: “On Friday, franchise owner Paul Siegfried apologized in a written statement, saying the communication was “an error of judgment on my part.” “Please know it was never my intention to offend anyone,” he added. “For those that I have offended, I sincerely apologize.”

In other words, you got caught with your pants down. It was never your intention to offend anyone, it was your intention to illegally threaten your employees to vote a certain way. Paul Siegfried, I hope they throw the book at you. And also a carton of rotting burgers.

More news as it catches my eye….

-Wexler

Savage is a Weenie, Where’s the Beef?

It’s now an entire year since Michael Savage growled the malediction in Beck’s direction that he was a “Hemorrhoid with eyes” and predicted that Beck would be gone from the airwaves in 90 days. We here at the Glenn Beck Report have been rooting for both Dr. Wiener (Mike Savage’s real name) and Glenn, mostly that both of them would STFU but also that Wiener’s prediction would come true.

Well, we gave the Savage Wiener an entire year full of 90 days, and Beck is still on the air, so it’s time to pull the Wiener and move on to other things. To this end, Quinn and I are proud to announce the “Where’s the Plan, Stan” Countdown clock for Glenn’s absurdities.

An Explanation

On the 3rd Saturday of November 2009, Glenn Beck gathered the faithful in what has been described in Alexander Zaitchik’s excellent tome Common Nonsense – Glenn Beck and the Triumph of Ignorance as the American version of a Potemkin Village in Florida to hear Glenn reveal The Plan. He actually didn’t say much about The Plan, other than it wasn’t really a plan, per se, but instead was a Plan. He felt this plan, and he felt that it was coming. From somewhere. He knew it was important, in fact it is so important that he thinks, no, he KNOWS, that it’s coming from God. So God is actually speaking through Glenn, he thinks, to deliver The Plan that is not a plan.

The Plan FAILS to Materialize

OK, if you can make any sense out of this cosmic, heaping, steaming pile of charlatanism that would have P. T. Barnum SIGL (spinning in grave laughing) then you should contact your psychiatric provider immediately and tell them that you would like to double up on your Thorazine.

So we are starting the “Where’s The Plan, Stan? One whole year to no plan from Glenn” countdown clock to remind Glenn and all of his followers that Glenn is a fraudulent, deluded, lying Mormon fundamentalist who claims that God speaks to and through him. He claims to be onto a message from God that all of you should follow. He has been claiming this for nearly a year, and on the actual anniversary, Glenn Beck Report will put up a special anniversary edition post commemorating One Entire Year Of BS with Nothing To Show For It.

(Title may vary).

Savage is a Weenie, Where’s the Beef?

It’s now an entire year since Michael Savage growled the malediction in Beck’s direction that he was a “Hemorrhoid with eyes” and predicted that Beck would be gone from the airwaves in 90 days. We here at the Glenn Beck Report have been rooting for both Dr. Wiener (Mike Savage’s real name) and Glenn, mostly that both of them would STFU but also that Wiener’s prediction would come true.

Well, we gave the Savage Wiener an entire year full of 90 days, and Beck is still on the air, so it’s time to pull the Wiener and move on to other things. To this end, Quinn and I are proud to announce the “Where’s the Plan, Stan” Countdown clock for Glenn’s absurdities.

An Explanation

On the 3rd Saturday of November 2009, Glenn Beck gathered the faithful in what has been described in Alexander Zaitchik’s excellent tome Common Nonsense – Glenn Beck and the Triumph of Ignorance as the American version of a Potemkin Village in Florida to hear Glenn reveal The Plan. He actually didn’t say much about The Plan, other than it wasn’t really a plan, per se, but instead was a Plan. He felt this plan, and he felt that it was coming. From somewhere. He knew it was important, in fact it is so important that he thinks, no, he KNOWS, that it’s coming from God. So God is actually speaking through Glenn, he thinks, to deliver The Plan that is not a plan.

The Plan FAILS to Materialize

OK, if you can make any sense out of this cosmic, heaping, steaming pile of charlatanism that would have P. T. Barnum SIGL (spinning in grave laughing) then you should contact your psychiatric provider immediately and tell them that you would like to double up on your Thorazine.

So we are starting the “Where’s The Plan, Stan? One whole year to no plan from Glenn” countdown clock to remind Glenn and all of his followers that Glenn is a fraudulent, deluded, lying Mormon fundamentalist who claims that God speaks to and through him. He claims to be onto a message from God that all of you should follow. He has been claiming this for nearly a year, and on the actual anniversary, Glenn Beck Report will put up a special anniversary edition post commemorating One Entire Year Of BS with Nothing To Show For It.

(Title may vary).

In another stunning gesture of non-partisanship, Glenn Beck has donated $10,000 to the US Chamber of Commerce to prove that not all of its donations are coming from foreign nationals who are trying to buy influence in the USA.

The controversy is rooted in the Citizens United decision by the right wing US Supreme Court, in which the Court decided that free speech equals money and vice versa. Therefore, anyone who can afford to pay for TV and radio advertising can buy as much of it as they can, for any political candidate as they see fit, and remain anonymous. This has opened the door to the charge that foreign corporations and individuals as well as American companies wishing to bypass existing laws are washing the cash in by the boatloads, almost 100% of it being used in attack ads against Democrat candidates.

So, in order to “prove” that not all the money comes from overseas, Glenn gave his donation to the Chamber while on air because he’s living in America despite the questions raised about which planet he may have been hatched on. Way to go, Glenn, and I’m sure the Chamber will know just what to do with your 10 grand. They will find a place to put it, accusing the poor of being deadbeats, trying to eliminate the minimum wage, attempting to bust unions, hold businesses harmless for their desecration of the American landscape and waterways, and other activities designed to keep the 90% of us “in our place” to preserve the status quo.

Glenn Beck will be taking a couple of days off his show. No, he’s not organizing another rally for misguided black people. No, he’s not holding a seminar to teach more murderers the dangers of environmentalist non-profits. He’s taking some time off for – wait for it – health reasons. Now, you’re probably thinking the same thing that I did – “now, shouldn’t he have taken the last 10 years off to focus on his mental health?” Well, I’d of course tend to agree with that, but conservative conspiracy theorists have never been known for their concerned attitude towards their own mental well-being. Anyway, getting back on topic, Beck has apparently dished out plenty of money for some decent doctors (hopefully they’ll let him die if he gets behind on a $75 payment), and they’re telling him that he’s messed up. Apparently he’s lost feeling in his hands and feet, he’s having problems with his voice (I’m sure it has nothing to do with daily shouting), and of course his macular dystrophy is rearing its head again. Supposedly doctors have been doing all kinds of crazy blood work on him, even searching for toxic elements.

Well, I’m going to take the high road here, and say that I hope he does NOT die. Instead, I wish that he would renounce his superstitions, donate all his millions of dollars to the noble causes he’s spent years slandering, and spend time lecturing on the dangers of conservatism and Mormonism. In hindsight, however, that seems pretty wishful, so let’s just hope his karma catches up with him in the form of that voice he used to tell so many lies and ruin so many admirable entities gets completely taken away from him. In fact, I think I’d pay to go see the “Glenn Beck sign language ranting hour”.

Like I said, I’m not hoping he dies. I’m hoping he disappears from the public circle. If he did die, though, I don’t think I would go protest his funeral like I’m sure many others would. If he died, he’d be done. He’d be off the air and he’d be done influencing people, and that’s really all I ever wanted out of him. Besides, the only funeral that I ever plan to protest is Fred Phelps’s. If you want to talk about what you think karma owes him, go ahead and do that in the comments below. But for now, get pleasure out of the idea that his next few cries of outrage will be because of a needle sticking three inches into his arm.

-Quinn

Byron Williams, the right wingnut who armed himself to the teeth and then couldn’t drive in a straight line as he was on his way to murder a building full of innocent people, says Glenn Beck was his teacher and motivator.

Williams confessed via hospital interview back on July 18, when the event occurred, that he was en route to shoot up the Tides Foundation and the ACLU because he wanted to “start a revolution”. The Tides Foundation, founded in 1976 by an anonymous New Mexico couple, has the mission of funding groups and individuals who work for positive social change. Some examples of its philanthropy have been the creation of the Thoreau Center for Sustainability, Groundspring/Network For Good, and its own initiatives in Social Justice, Reproductive Rights, Voter Involvement, and Economic Justice. The ACLU has been working to ensure the Constitutional rights of everyone in the US since 1920.

Byron Williams says that the only reason he watches Fox News Channel is because Glenn Beck is on Fox. He claims that Beck has been a teacher to him, and the specific plot that Beck uncovered for him was the link between Obama, George Soros, a Brazilian oil company, and the BP disaster. Williams claims to have researched these connections by himself and that Glenn Beck confirmed them on TV.

Williams also said that Glenn Beck is like a “schoolteacher on TV”.

The Smoking Gun

This is proof that right wing hate speech motivates people with mental disorders to commit crimes. We all need to wonder when the next act of Glenn Beck-inspired domestic terrorism will strike. Of course, Beck will now claim to be the victim of a government plot to shut him up.

Glenn, if anyone seriously cared if you shut up, you’d be gone by now. Most people think you’re a whack job, the missing link between murderous Mormons and gun-toting Xtians who wants to lead the nation into the next religious awakening. You’re a dope. Idiot America only professes to be religious. They’re not actually religious.