The Glenn Beck Report

I just learned today via The Progress Report that Glenn Beck has lost every single sponsor for his UK version of the show. The digest email that I get refers back to an article at Think Progress by Amanda Terkel, who quotes two of my cultural heroes. Those would be Color of Change and StopBeck.com. Please give them a click; they have been instrumental in the effort to boycott sponsors of Glenn Beck’s show and force him off the air. I consider myself a mere dabbler in comparison to these true warriors for justice.

IN OTHER NEWS….

Glenn went totally ape-shit over an Obama speech about job creation and the stimulus bill. The clip is amazing; insanity, personified.

A nice gent who goes by the name of Kevinge3 on YouTube posted this clip:

UPDATE!! This video can’t be embedded by the request of the poster, but the link below still works to take you to the YouTube video. I respect Kevinge3′s right to disable embedding, so when you go over to YouTube, please do 2 things: First, show Kevinge3 some love for editing this 30 seconds or so out and making a nice video, and second, don’t forget to come back!

Alpo, anyone? Everyone send Glenn Beck a can of Alpo, please.

Is this the “Fair and Balanced” aspect of Faux “News” or is it the “nobody here bothers to read anything” aspect?

Thanks for the link, Glenn.

It’s appreciated, I’ll try my best to say something nice about you once in a while. Maybe to help me out, you could stop being a psychotic mess of a right wingnut conspiracy-theory-promulgating, racist, cult-member, fear-mongering, bat-shit-crazy, crocodile-tear-shedding, money-grubbing, and so on, person.

I would really, REALLY, enjoy having a formal debate with you as I have challenged you to do in a post elsewhere on this site. Please, PLEASE, let’s do this. You can have Stu or anyone you would like to help you out. How about William Kristol? Have you pissed him off lately? Or this would be cool, wait for it… Sarah Palin!!!!! Perfect!

I’m a busy man, Glenn, but I will make time in my schedule to prepare for this debate. There are few conditions, it’s just got to be a fair fight and when you use the tape you have to be fair about it.

Whaddya say, Glenn? C’mon, you might even get in a couple of sound bites!

I’m still working on the next installment in my 4 part series on how Glenn Beck’s Mormon faith will be instrumental in splitting the teabaggers along a religious fault line. In the meantime, enjoy…

“Teabagger” makes runner-up for Oxford Dictionary New Word of the Year for 2009

This is a story that Glenn should be proud about, since he barks instructions to the teabaggers for hours at a time. Some of those instructions, by the way, are becoming rather vicious. Glenn better watch how he runs his mouth or perhaps someone over at Faux will actually have to be the adult. For example,

Glenn Beck compares health insurance reform to rape

The unbelievable dry druggie (perhaps) never ceases to amaze. This time he went over the top, even topping his bit where he “poured gasoline” all over a person sitting on his set. This time he said

The American public doesn’t want government-run health care and, for the first time in history, we don’t think it’s the government’s place to give it to us. We’re the young girl saying “no” and government is Roman Polanski: In the end, we are all going to be cowering in France.

Seriously, Glenn, even some of the faithful must be wondering WTF you are doing comparing any public policy to the rape of a 13 year old girl. This ought to spur another round of phone calls and nastygrams to your few remaining sponsors. You can keep up to date on this effort at http://foxnewsboycott.com/. Last count was 85 sponsors lost, you can get information about how to vote with your pocketbook at this fine site. Please do take time to call, it makes a difference.

Glenn Beck’s Candidate Concedes, and then…

I have written at length in an earlier post about the unfortunate schlub Doug Hoffman, the teabagger candidate who claimed that Glenn Beck is his “mentor”. Holy smokes, to think that a grown man would admit that in PUBLIC. Well, on election night, November 3, as the teabagger dream crumbled before his eyes and his mentor lay sick in the hospital with acute appendicitis, Doug Hoffman conceded the race to Democrat Bill Owens. Owens was sworn into office last Saturday, November 7.

So today, just to prove what a weird creepy dick he really is, Doug Hoffman got into a phone conversation with “the mentor” on his radio show and got egged on into the following conversation:

BECK: Alright, so let me ask you two questions. Are you currently bowing to me at the waist? (LAUGHTER) Have you bowed, or will you bow, to anyone, at the waist? No? Okay, good. Second question for you, are you officially un-conceding at this moment?

HOFFMAN: Yes, if I knew this information at the election night, I would not have conceded.

BECK: So are you un-conceding?

HOFFMAN: If that’s possible, yes.

BECK: If the President can bow to an emperor and nobody says anything, yeah, I think you can unconcede.

Update 11/20:
The actual event that spurred this conversation was the news that around 10,000 absentee ballots had not yet been counted. There are various rumors circulating about what actually happened on election night, but thanks to excellent reporting by Submitted to a Candid World, we don’t have to speculate. Hoffman had all the correct information when he conceded. The NY Board of Elections has NOT issued final certification of the election results, it’s conditional. However, Hoffman’s chances of winning with the uncounted absentee ballots are next to none because they were cast before Dede Scozzafava dropped out of the race. Do the math: she was polling at about 20% when she dropped out. That leaves 8,000 votes. Owens had roughly a 3,100 vote victory, which means that in order to make up the difference and win Hoffman would have to take 5,550 or about about 70% of the remaining 8,000 votes. Now think about this for a moment. After what you’ve seen of the teabaggers in video, still photos, on TV, and elsewhere, what do you suppose are the chances that these people would send in an absentee ballot? 70% of the toothless goofballs couldn’t find their ass with both hands let alone obtain, fill out, and mail in an absentee ballot.

I predict that Dede Scozzafava will do much better in absentee ballots than Hoffman. This is just a hunch, but it makes sense if you think about the organization of the GOP versus the angry rabble that voted for Hoffman based on the recommendations of Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin.

The election will not be officially certified until December. If you go to Hoffman’s website, there are stories on the index page that claim there was a virus in the voting machines (how’s that paper ballot thing the GOP fought for the last decade working out for ya?) and another article that tantalizingly asks the question “Owens in Office Illegally?”. Nope, he’s not. The New York Board of Elections gave Congress a conditionally certified result. If the teabagger boy gets the 70% of the absentee ballots as explained above, then Glenn Beck’s head will explode with glee. If not, it’s going to be Vapo-Rub City for the Prince of Pricks. Maybe everybody should send him a crying towel. Stay tuned…
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Well, Glenn, you had so much success on your first try at throwing the GOP out of office, we here at GlennBeckReport and StopDubya wish you the best of luck and continuing success for many years to come.

Many of my readers will be saddened to know that Glenn Beck was stricken with appendicitis last week and thereby missed out on taking an active role in Michele Bachmann’s Teaparty Extravaganza/FAIL on Thursday.

One of my Twitter followers pointed out that I neglected to cover Glenn in a tweet that I made regarding his illness.
The Tweet was something along the line of

Each year 390 Americans die from appendicitis. Why couldn’t one of them have been Glenn?

In an effort to set the record straight, I wanted to post it here because I know the little man-baby egomaniac stops by here on a regular basis. (He does all his own research, you know, PLUS he’s a paranoid little ‘tard who thinks everyone is out to get him. GLENN, take your meds, dude, NOBODY really gives a shit.) I wanted to make sure that he gets the message even if his manservant won’t read insulting, bad tweets to him.

In related news, ThinkProgress had a story that postulates that Glenn is likely in the care of SEIU nurses. Oooh, SCARY! I wonder if Glenn has thought that through, and if so, did he double his around-the-clock no-neck staff plus his team of personal physicians? LOL!

Glenn is probably still sore about what happened to his ass last time he was in the hospital. He made the famous video clip where he’s obviously feeling very sorry for himself and wonders how all the people with no insurance who aren’t millionaire media stars make it. Obviously that hasn’t changed his position on health insurance reform, though, because THAT’S an Obama socialist fascist Nazi plot! LOL here we go….

Glenn says that his care was incredibly bad and he has stories that will “melt your brain”. For some reason he brings up the “president of GE” as being a patient there (is that public information? I don’t think so…) and if “they don’t care about the president of GE, you really think they care about schlubs that are just average working stiffs?” WTF are you talking about, Glenn? Are you comparing yourself to the president of GE? Are you calling yourself a “working stiff” with your estimated $18 million annual income?

I truly believe that whatever happened to Glenn Beck while he was in the hospital was a visit from Instant Karma and I don’t think he “got” it. Glenn, you’re not a schlub, you’re a schmuck. And Mormons don’t use words like that, it’s against your cult orders. BTW, are you even circumcised? If not, don’t worry about it, they can have you in and out of there before you can say “Bony Moroni”.

Glenn Beck is a lot of things to a lot of people. To most, he’s an opportunistic, money-grubbing, phony clown of a Mormon millenialist meat puppet. Beck uses his own ignorance as a foil while he poses simple hypotheses about complex questions and then allows “expert” crackpot guests on his show to conjure up facts out of thin air or their rectums to support Beck’s crackpot conspiracy theories while he fawningly agrees with him, nodding like a bobblehead with wide-eyed amazement about how Obama has done/is doing the most dreadful things.

To one man, however, Glenn Beck was something much more. Glenn Beck could reach through his empty head and grab hold of his shallow heart. That man would be Doug Hoffman, “staunch conservative” from out of nowhere, who got talked into running against Dede Scozzafava, who fell out of favor with Fox News and other conservative media. Michelle Malkin called Dede “an ACORN-friendly, union-pandering, tax-and-spend radical Republican.” Rush Limbaugh accused her of “bestiality”, proclaiming that she had “screwed every RINO in the country”. (This was so unbelievable that I had to include it in this post. I realize that including comments from other right wingnuts besides Glenn Beck is a bit off-topic, but sometimes it’s good to have them for a complete context. Think of it like an artist’s palette of stupidity from which you can savor the meaning created by the meaninglessness, greed, stupidity, and grabbasticism of the morally bankrupt and politically corrupt right wing nut movement of Beck and the Becktards, Rush and the Dittobots, Michelle Malkin and the perverts, Michael Savage and the Wieners, and so on and so on.) But, as usual, I digress. Here’s the Rush Limbaugh quote where he says Dede practices bestiality:

Glenn Beck took a few swings at Dede Scozzafava himself. He bashed her in the video below for being “pro-choice, pro-stimulus”, ACORN-endorsed (and also “for the working families party”), and “the Democrat is basically the same as the Republican”. Glenn also managed to flail away at Arnold Schwarzenegger, the GOP, and Newt Gingrich.

Glenn’s cure? Stop the insanity! (He can’t resist citing Einstein’s “definition” of insanity. Note to Glenn Beck: you’re no Einstein.) He says the GOP should have chosen Doug Hoffman, who collected the endorsements of Sarah Palin, Steve Forbes, former US Senators Rick Santorum and Fred Thompson, and “The former House Majority Leader Dick Armey are [sic] also behind him”. Hmm, there’s something kicking around in the back of my mind… what do all of those endorsers have in common? Well, I guess it’s that none of them are from New York? Oh, WAIT A MINUTE… What Glenn Beck probably didn’t notice is that each of these endorsements comes from a failed and/or disgraced former GOPER who have fallen from power by running almost as right as Glenn is.

Watch:

So what’s the ONLY problem Glenn sees? The GOP continues to back the “Obama lite Republican.” Oh, that nasty Newt Gingrich! He’s one of the (great big finger quotes) “Republicans” supporting the Obama Lite candidate although Glenn has “nothing bad to say about him.” LOL! Glenn disagrees with Newt because Newt says that the local party has the right to choose their own candidate. Oh NO YOU DIDN’T! Glenn Beck says you’re WRONG on that, Newt, you vote for the person you agree with MOST! So in Glenn Beck’s world, the local party should vote for who, exactly? The candidate HE SUPPORTS. After all, how can you sleep “night after NIGHT” knowing you voted for the “ACORN-supported candidate”?

Well, before I forget, I want to go ON THE PUBLIC RECORD as supporting Glenn Beck in his effort to keep doing what he did last night, over and over, in 2010, in 2012, as long as he still can. PLEASE keep trying to pull the GOP to the brink of the lunatic fringe where you are and then push them over! PLEASE!

I couldn’t find much of anything about Doug Hoffman on the 9/12 website except a link to a story where he gets Fred Thompson’s endorsement. Only the link to the story and the story itself, from October 28, says Fred is endorsing Doug THOMPSON. This was so unbelievable I had to take a couple of screenshots for you. Talk about having some powerful NAME RECOGNITION, eh, Glenn? LOL.

So who is Doug Hoffman/Thompson? Turned down by the GOP Congressional Committee. Endorsed by lunatics. He’s an accountant from Saranac Lake, not even in the 23rd District. He claims to have been fighting for the heart and soul of the GOP which is waaaay too liberal. He says he’s going to “take America back” by “revolution”, which is just white nationalist code words. He doesn’t know anything about local issues in the 23rd District, but he says that “I think that this district is so wide and vast that ALL THREE CANDIDATES aren’t familiar with local issues in each different sector”. Really? So what are were voters supposed to do? Just TRUST you because you say you’re honest? You say you know about taxes, spending, and liberals so people should just vote for you because of that and because a pack of GOP has-beens says your OK?

Here’s the deal. I am sympathetic to the idea of 3rd party candidates, in fact I was a Nader supporter and even put a Ron Paul sign in my yard last fall along with the others. I even agree with Beck’s thesis that major party candidates should not have a lock on the process. There is no reason why people shouldn’t be able to file and run for any office and I favor making that easier rather than harder. The more the merrier.

But I would never support any candidate who has no specific policy positions, local or otherwise, except that he can spew the specific political/religious dogma such as “Obama-lite”, “tax and spend”, “RINO”, “take our country back”, “revolution”, and other meaningless gibberish. Doug Hoffman was the 9/12 Project candidate, in fact he was even listed on http://912candidates.org/gold-list/, the “unofficial” 9/12 website that has since taken his name down because even they realized that being associated with Glenn Beck was killing Hoffman’s chances. (Or maybe they took it down because they were trying to avoid the humiliation of backing a candidate who got his ass handed to him last night.) Doug Hoffman never looks very bright in any of the video clips I’ve seen, and the audio clip of him on the Glenn Beck radio show sucking up to Glenn and even calling him his “mentor” makes him sound like a driveling stooge.

Listen:

So congratulations, Glenn, and to the 9/12 Project, and to all the “take our country back” race-baiting “Patriots” from all over America who poured money and support into a non-resident candidate to defeat the “liberal” Republican. Glenn, you can put Dede Scozzafava’s scalp on your wall.

And you can also chalk up another GREAT BIG FAIL, Glenn, because what you’ve accomplished is to further divide the conservatives along the faultline of crazy. I think it’s wonderful, heckuva job, Glennie.

OnStarGate 7

Paranoid schizophrenics have a special knack for detecting conspiracies that normal people like you and me would never see. I have known two of them up close and personal. One was a brilliant gent who had been at the top of his class at the US Coast Guard Academy and had a nervous breakdown from the pressure. He was OK if he stayed on his meds, which he didn’t like to do because they “made his brain feel like it was frozen”. He worked on and off, and he was convinced that while he was out “they” were coming into his apartment and “doing things”. I tried to pin John down as to exactly what “they” were doing during a desperate phone conversation we had one night; he called because he feared he was going to get violent. Two of the things he mentioned were that “they” had gone into his closet and removed a button from one of his shirts, and “they” also had moved or somehow screwed up his ship-in-a-bottle project. “They” had also rigged his TV, radio, and phone so that “they” could secretly watch him and listen to him. These nights ended badly for John, usually with 5 cops on top of him trying to get him into handcuffs. By the time he called me it was always too late. He had stopped taking his meds, hadn’t slept for 3 or 4 days, and the only thing I could do was call his sister, who lived 300 miles away, so she could come and mop up the mess. Sad.

The other person was a guy named Don who was in his mid-20s. Don was a typical central Wisconsin teenage kid who liked to drink and drive every weekend with a car full of friends. Don woke up early one December morning in the middle of a snow-covered field next to Wisconsin Highway 29. In the field with Don were two wrecked cars, including the one he was DWI, and eight bodies. Three of them were passengers in his car, five had been passengers in the car Don hit when he ran the stop sign and drove onto 29 from the dirt drinkin’ road. Nobody showed up on the scene for quite a while so Don had plenty of time to be alone with the dead.

When I met him several years after the crash, Don was hearing voices that told him what to draw on his apartment wall. The drawing was bizarre, with lots of vines and insects. The voices spoke to him while I was visiting once, and he told me what they were saying. It was incomprehensible, but he was threatened by “them” and felt compelled to comply or something terrible would happen. The last time I saw Don, I drove him to the hospital and helped him check himself into the Psych Ward for another 30 day evaluation.

I forced myself to listen to the Glenn Beck radio program segment about OnStar and Obama because I wanted to see if I could find any connection between Glenn, John, and Don.

Yes, I did. The language and dialect of paranoia sounds the same when coming from a schizophrenic or coming from someone who is trying to stoke the boiler sitting under a giant stewpot of fear. Glenn uses the same phraseology of my friends John and Don. “How can you trust the government? The government is listening to my conversations. The government is tracking me. The government has ruined our future and they plan to make it worse. The government can stop your car and let the air out of your tires!”

It’s not as if Glenn Beck woke up on Thursday and discovered that OnStar exists. It’s not even that Glenn woke up to the fact that the government has been illegally spying on telephone conversations, email, and other communications of Americans (he says he’s OK with that). But letting the air out of your tires… that’s the last straw for Glenn. The government can let the air out of my tires. Whoa.

Glenn’s sudden, irrational fear of the US Government taking control of his car is based on the false premise that the bailout of GM was a government takeover of GM. I am going to assume that anyone who reads this will know on some level that the government does not control GM’s business activities, its management, its workers, its purchasing, or any part of GM that still survives. GM faced a situation where they would have failed and hundreds of thousands of people would have lost their jobs, creating a shock wave through the entire economy. So they took government assistance to avoid an outright failure. Does Glenn Beck really believe that GM is now acting as a spy agency for the Obama Administration?

To back this claim up, Glenn told us that he had visited the OnStar central office and seen all the operators and the maps, looking like a hi-tech war room. The person who was touring Glenn told him that OnStar has the capability of turning off a car remotely, which they didn’t do at the time but are now advertising on TV as an anti-theft measure.

And all of this would have been OK if only the Maoists hadn’t taken control of the government. Glenn does something dishonest, again, by taking a quote out of context. This time his misquoted person is Ron Bloom, the Administration’s Senior Counselor for Manufacturing Policy (or as Glenn would say, the Manufacturing Czar, ooooh, scary!) Bloom’s actual words follow, I have highlighted the excerpt that Glenn Beck used on his show:

BLOOM: The second thing about us is we’ve decided to get on the field. Some unions and our union, in fact, some years ago, largely played defense in these situations. We had what we had and we tried to protect it. What we realized through long and often painful experience is that management matters, business strategy matters, capital structure matters, ownership matters. We spent a long time trying to clean up the messes that others had left us. And so now we try to create our own messes. This is more dangerous politically, it’s more difficult. It has higher risk. We think it has higher reward. But in any event, in these cases where we can be on the field, you should expect to find us on the field.

Generally speaking, we get the joke. We know that the free market is nonsense. We know that the whole point is to game the system, to beat the market, or at least find someone who will pay you a lot of money because they’re convinced that there is a free lunch. We know this is largely about power, that it’s an adults-only, no-limit game. We kind of agree with Mao that political power comes largely from the barrel of a gun. And we get it that if you want a friend you should get a dog.

What Bloom is talking about is how labor has realized that the “free market system” is rigged against labor, and the statistics bear this out. Since Reagan began his union-busting with the air traffic controllers strike in the early 80s, the percentage of union jobs in America has decreased from about 55% to about 7%. The system is rigged, it is anti-labor, and it is about raw political power. He doesn’t state that he wants to murder 10s of millions of people, he simply states the political truth. If you want the political truth, about the last place you ought to be checking for it is Glenn Beck’s shows.

So, Glenn, you little paranoid weasel, here’s the scoop. OnStar isn’t listening to your conversations any more than I am. They are not tracking you, they are a private business that operates a service which people pay for. Most people think it’s a good idea to have OnStar anti-theft protection. The US Government doesn’t care where you go and if they did they could just look at your cell phone information. Ron Bloom is not a Maoist any more than you are. In fact, he may be less of a Maoist than you are because he cares about what happens to people in the workforce and you don’t, you care about the people in the ivory towers.

One last thing. I hate to be the one to let the air out of your gasbag paranoid frenzy, but if the government wants to let the air out of your tires they will probably use spike strips.

Pfffffffffffffft. Glenn Beck the punching clown deflates again.

I will be your father figure
Put your tiny hand in mine
I will be your preacher teacher (be your daddy)
Anything you have in mind
I will be your father figure
I have had enough of crime
I will be the one who loves you
Until the end of time
~~ George Michaels

Ahh, the Good Old Days. The days when families were close knit, where Mom stayed home and baked a pie to serve with the pot roast when Dad got home from the office. The fresh smell of autumn air and the crunch of leaves under your feet as you walked home from school on a Friday daydreaming about the sock hop. Go back to when things were black and white, including photography and television. Back when you never saw a black person on TV except the pick-a-ninnies in the cartoons and maybe Sammy Davis Junior, who got on because he was also Jewish. Back to simpler times.

Relive our lovingly retouched memories through Glenn Beck, as he rummages through the windmills in the corner of his mind. Oh, Glenn’s memories! Oh, wait, that’s right, Glenn was born in 1964 so he wouldn’t actually remember any of that stuff because by the time he was 10 years old Woodstock was 5, civil rights was 10, the American cultural revolution was well underway and his Mom wouldn’t have made an apple pie for 5 years, although she might have burned her bra, got a business degree, and gone to work.

But never mind. Glenn wants to create an image in your mind of a world that he’s never seen so he can set up his crazy proposition that he’s the Dad (that he never had) who’s telling you what you need to hear so you can fix your life. Watch….

Oh, he hates to do it, to tell you the party is over, he hates it so much it makes him weep with regret as he chokes out the words. But he has to do it, because the politicians are only going to take you further away from that dreamy world of the past, WHICH WASN’T PERFECT, MIND YOU, but it was a darn sight better than today.
Glenn Beck’s sanitized view of America in one word: authoritarian. He wants to not only tell you what’s wrong with America, he wants to demand that you follow his instructions on how to fix it.

OK, Glenn. Given your age, fractured childhood and your years of heavy drug and alcohol abuse, the only way you could have gotten that rosy view of the past was by watching Leave It To Beaver and Ozzie and Harriet reruns on TBS. Since you don’t have a clue what you’re talking about, why should we let YOU be the Father Figure George Michaels sang about? I’m not inclined to let you or anyone like you turn the clock back, even if you could.

I was there, Glenn, and it wasn’t that great. We lived in constant fear that a madman might push the button and end it for all of us. Hundreds of thousands of WWII vets drank their way through “shell shock” because PTSD wasn’t discovered yet. We fought a largely forgotten war with China on the Korean peninsula. Women and minorities struggled for the same rights as white men had.

I don’t want to go back, Glenn, but if there was a way I could send you back, I would surely do it.

It’s Not Really About America or Socialists After All

In a somewhat less-than-shocking expose of Man-Baby Glenn Beck’s phony crying bit, it turns out that it’s less about loving America and more about Vicks Vapo-Rub.

At the beginning of this photo shoot, which was inexplicably done to capture portraits of Glenn Beck weeping (WTF?) photographer Jill Greenberg walks into the picture and applies Vapo-Rub under both of Glenn Beck’s eyes to make them water.

Glenn then apes for the camera, striking poses to depict a wide palette of waterworks-producing emotions from sorrow through anger and tears of joy to cursing God (how’s that Mormon thing working for ya, Glenn?) The God-smacking Beck pose can be seen at 2:22 in the video.

I realize that since I started this website a couple of weeks ago, the garbage is piling up. I think I may have been mistaken; he’s not anything that needs to be debunked, he’s a mindless buffoon who does nothing but fool a few other buffoons and occasionally provoke an indignant response from anyone who can think.

Will the slings and arrows never stop for the intrepid Mr. Beck? Oh, the misfortune, oh, the pain! Expect a severe weeping episode coming to a Glenn Beck TV show SOON!

South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham seems like an unlikely source for an “attack” on Glenn Beck. But, as some have reported (Keith Olbermann), Graham took a mild swat in Beck’s general direction today at the First Draft of History conference (GOP self-congratulatory love-fest) , claiming that Beck is not a Republican (false) and that he’s a cynic (true) in a nation of believers (unlikely after the collapse the economy, but Graham pulls out the old “Aw shucks, we’re all Americans” gambit.) Watch the video:

Glenn Beck absolutely is a Republican, he is NOT a Libertarian as he claims. Graham can disagree all he wants but the videotape of Beck spewing the GOP line night after night is absolute proof that Beck is a phony GOP populist, and a racist whack job to boot. Did you see the clip from today where Beck holds up a can of Copenhagen tobacco to somehow accuse the Obama Administration of causing cancer because they’re trying to bring the International Olympics to Chicago? Pure-D whack if ever I saw it.

In other Glenn Beck news today, Glenn Beck called Bill Maher “low brow” for telling Joy Behar that he expected to see Beck crack up on air and be wearing womens’ clothing or playing with his own feces. I dunno, seems possible to me. If he ever stops playing with the bat-guano.

As a side note, Senator Graham also called the Teabaggers “crazy” and slammed Rush Limbaugh for the hold he has over the GOP. Graham said, “Let’s knock this crap off and talk about the real differences we have.” I wonder if he was referring to the crap that Maher predicts that Glenn Beck will be playing with?

UPDATE: On Beck’s October 2nd program, he and Stu (I don’t know who “Stu” is, but I think it’s short for “Stooge”) discuss the video above. In Glenn’s Universe, two things pop out about this. First, the GOP is down in the 20% range because of “phony” GOPERs like Lindsey Graham. Second, according to Stu, Glenn couldn’t be a cynic because he has cried at least twice in the last year.

Now I know you probably think I’m making this up. I wish I could, then I could write comedy for cable, but in this case trash is imitating art. They said it.

My thoughts. To the first point, Glenn’s assertion that the GOP is turning into the pup tent party because of people like Graham, it’s all I can do just to keep myself from keeling over with laughter. When it’s convenient for Glenn’s argument, the GOP is actually the majority party. Now that they are trying to get his crap off of their shoes, they are marginalized because they are not following his instructions!
That is pure hilarity, all by itself. To the second point, well, it’s become apparent thanks to the video dug up and posted at http://gawker.com/ that the Beck crying stuff is chemically induced, and I don’t mean hallucinogenics. It’s just the application of Vick’s Vapo-Rub. They out to rename it in Glenn’s honor… Vick’s Vapid-Rub. Glenn Beck, this comment is for you… you can run but you can’t hide, buddy. The truth is catching up to you.

By now everyone in the US who hasn’t been hiding in a cave ought to know that Glenn Beck is on a jihad against black people in general and one particular black man in the White House. Ever since Glenn convinced the GOP to go even fringier than normal and take after Van Jones, he has puffed himself up to believe that he actually might be onto something, after all. I guess you can get the DTs from cocaine, too.

Enter Obama’s political affairs director Patrick Gaspard. The American Spectator, a conservative online newspaper trying to make a name for itself, got a quote from Wade Rathke’s blog which they quoted as saying:

Tell me that 1199′s former political director, Patrick Gaspard (who was ACORN New York’s political director before that) didn’t reach out from the White House and help make that happen, and I’ll tell you to take some remedial classes in “politics 101.”

In fact, Wade Rathke’s blog did indeed say that. But one problem; it wasn’t true and for once somebody who printed a false statement about the Obama Administration retracted it. Not an ordinary retraction, I might add, but a kick to the privates of the phony whining “conservatives” who trade in falsehoods and impossible conspiracy theories. Rathke posted, in part,

Patrick was never on the staff of ACORN. I double checked with people I still know there, and it appears that I dropped a stitch there. Hopefully my misstatement won’t lead to the White House throwing him in front of the bus in this rush to neo-McCarthyism that has become so prominent. In this case, my memory tricked me. I’m glad to carry the weight and simply say I made a mistake, and damned if I’m not sorry and hope no damage is done to a good man doing a hard job.

Let me quickly add, since I read Google alerts and have noticed that there is a attack squad at all manner of friends and associates I have had over the years, that for the formal record, I have NO friends. If there’s a problem with me, then bring it on, but for the rest of you, if you see me on the street, just nod and pass on by, if you are worried about it. Until we learn to all stand together and oppose this kind of blood sport political targeting, it’s going to be like this for a while. I’m just not sure how long it will take.

As of 10:00 PM Central, American Spectator, fine conservative noisemaker as they are (I kind of picture them as a whoopee cushion) have failed to take down the story or publish a retraction.  Ditto for Breitbart.  Fox News, ditto, because if it’s the Fox Nation, it must be TRUE!  Matt Drudge, wow, you took it down!  But it’s nice to see that you still slather ink over tsunamis, earthquakes, and Dan Rather.  (Is it possible to have a fetish about earthquakes?  Paging Dr. Freud, Dr. Freud…)

So what, you may ask, does a phony non-story ginned up by a crummy online newspaper and amplified by the conservative noise machine have to do with Glenn Beck?  Glad you asked, but I think you already know the answer.  Glenn Beck jumped all over this like a BIG DOG!  Ruff ruff, go sic ‘em, Spot! You might want to skip ahead to about 4:45 in the video.

Of course, Beck’s staff has taken down the story from his website, but… I have the VIDEO… so enjoy!  I will cut out the first 4:45 of it tomorrow and repost so you don’t have to wait for the fun and games!  Did you know that Gaspard was CEO Bertha Lewis’ “right hand man”!  “In FACT!” LOL… and did you know that SEIU and ACORN are really the SAME ORGANIZATION??? And, to top it off, Beck says the President has “ZERO CREDIBILITY!” Oh, I just can’t stand it.  I’ll finish this story when I can stop laughing uncontrollably!

Update September 30… National Review still has it up. New article by Kurtz, claiming that Obama has ties to labor. Gee, isn’t that what Democrats do? The Dems support the little guy, the GOPERS support the corporations. That’s why they lost the election. They suck up to money, not to votes.

Update October 1… National Review Online has taken down the Kurtz article. It does not appear in the “searchable archives” for the week. Anatomy of a GOP lie… make it up, spread it around, it gets debunked, take it down quietly.