The Glenn Beck Report

We are very happy to announce that www.GlennBeckReport.com is back on the internet waves. After a few mishaps and some good technical assistance from our webhost, we are now up and running and ready to take on Glenn Beck lies as he lies them.

Glenn is on a terror with his rotten whining about being named in the group of right wing commentators who uses inflamed rhetoric. Poor widdle me, says Glenn, I would never advocate violence. Then why did you scrub the picture of you with a semi-automatic pistol in your hand from your website after the Tuscon shooting? Why, Glenn? Did you think someone might actually link you with the things you say on national TV and radio?

No? Really Glenn, you are one of the most violent men on TV. You tell people that their livelihoods are being threatened by people who don’t have anything to do with it. You say people are planning to kill you. You tell them to be prepared for whatever will happened. You toe the typical Mormon line, which says be armed to the teeth and have drills with your community on a regular basis.

What about the time you were pouring “gasoline” on a member of your crew on live TV and standing there with a BIC? What about the time you said you would strangle Michael Moore with your bare hands? What about the time that you accused the Tides Foundation of being in a plot to destroy America?

Glenn, you are a domestic terrorist and you ought to be on the NO FLY list. You shouldn’t be able to buy ammo, you should have your broadcast license jerked for inflammatory language trying to incite the overthrow of the US Government.

But none of that is going to happen, so we’ll just sit out here and snipe at you. Not in the “literal” sense, Glenn, only in the “figurative” sense. You see, you’ve been in our sights as a target from Day 1, and you keep loading our guns for us. And you give us plenty of motivation to pull the trigger, too.

Of course, this is all meant in figurative sense. We are pacifists who don’t own guns and don’t believe in killing human beings. We can’t be held responsible for the actions of some nut job with a long range rifle, even if he got the idea from reading our website.

Get the picture? It should be clear as day. We’re pacifists. We just use strong language. It’s all just words, words never hurt anyone. I mean, if someone poured fake gasoline all over Glenn Beck and then held up a BIC lighter, that would just be a joke, wouldn’t it?