The Glenn Beck Report

I’m still working on the next installment in my 4 part series on how Glenn Beck’s Mormon faith will be instrumental in splitting the teabaggers along a religious fault line. In the meantime, enjoy…

“Teabagger” makes runner-up for Oxford Dictionary New Word of the Year for 2009

This is a story that Glenn should be proud about, since he barks instructions to the teabaggers for hours at a time. Some of those instructions, by the way, are becoming rather vicious. Glenn better watch how he runs his mouth or perhaps someone over at Faux will actually have to be the adult. For example,

Glenn Beck compares health insurance reform to rape

The unbelievable dry druggie (perhaps) never ceases to amaze. This time he went over the top, even topping his bit where he “poured gasoline” all over a person sitting on his set. This time he said

The American public doesn’t want government-run health care and, for the first time in history, we don’t think it’s the government’s place to give it to us. We’re the young girl saying “no” and government is Roman Polanski: In the end, we are all going to be cowering in France.

Seriously, Glenn, even some of the faithful must be wondering WTF you are doing comparing any public policy to the rape of a 13 year old girl. This ought to spur another round of phone calls and nastygrams to your few remaining sponsors. You can keep up to date on this effort at http://foxnewsboycott.com/. Last count was 85 sponsors lost, you can get information about how to vote with your pocketbook at this fine site. Please do take time to call, it makes a difference.

Glenn Beck’s Candidate Concedes, and then…

I have written at length in an earlier post about the unfortunate schlub Doug Hoffman, the teabagger candidate who claimed that Glenn Beck is his “mentor”. Holy smokes, to think that a grown man would admit that in PUBLIC. Well, on election night, November 3, as the teabagger dream crumbled before his eyes and his mentor lay sick in the hospital with acute appendicitis, Doug Hoffman conceded the race to Democrat Bill Owens. Owens was sworn into office last Saturday, November 7.

So today, just to prove what a weird creepy dick he really is, Doug Hoffman got into a phone conversation with “the mentor” on his radio show and got egged on into the following conversation:

BECK: Alright, so let me ask you two questions. Are you currently bowing to me at the waist? (LAUGHTER) Have you bowed, or will you bow, to anyone, at the waist? No? Okay, good. Second question for you, are you officially un-conceding at this moment?

HOFFMAN: Yes, if I knew this information at the election night, I would not have conceded.

BECK: So are you un-conceding?

HOFFMAN: If that’s possible, yes.

BECK: If the President can bow to an emperor and nobody says anything, yeah, I think you can unconcede.

Update 11/20:
The actual event that spurred this conversation was the news that around 10,000 absentee ballots had not yet been counted. There are various rumors circulating about what actually happened on election night, but thanks to excellent reporting by Submitted to a Candid World, we don’t have to speculate. Hoffman had all the correct information when he conceded. The NY Board of Elections has NOT issued final certification of the election results, it’s conditional. However, Hoffman’s chances of winning with the uncounted absentee ballots are next to none because they were cast before Dede Scozzafava dropped out of the race. Do the math: she was polling at about 20% when she dropped out. That leaves 8,000 votes. Owens had roughly a 3,100 vote victory, which means that in order to make up the difference and win Hoffman would have to take 5,550 or about about 70% of the remaining 8,000 votes. Now think about this for a moment. After what you’ve seen of the teabaggers in video, still photos, on TV, and elsewhere, what do you suppose are the chances that these people would send in an absentee ballot? 70% of the toothless goofballs couldn’t find their ass with both hands let alone obtain, fill out, and mail in an absentee ballot.

I predict that Dede Scozzafava will do much better in absentee ballots than Hoffman. This is just a hunch, but it makes sense if you think about the organization of the GOP versus the angry rabble that voted for Hoffman based on the recommendations of Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin.

The election will not be officially certified until December. If you go to Hoffman’s website, there are stories on the index page that claim there was a virus in the voting machines (how’s that paper ballot thing the GOP fought for the last decade working out for ya?) and another article that tantalizingly asks the question “Owens in Office Illegally?”. Nope, he’s not. The New York Board of Elections gave Congress a conditionally certified result. If the teabagger boy gets the 70% of the absentee ballots as explained above, then Glenn Beck’s head will explode with glee. If not, it’s going to be Vapo-Rub City for the Prince of Pricks. Maybe everybody should send him a crying towel. Stay tuned…
================================
Well, Glenn, you had so much success on your first try at throwing the GOP out of office, we here at GlennBeckReport and StopDubya wish you the best of luck and continuing success for many years to come.