The Glenn Beck Report

Glenn Beck's distended appendix will be baptized in a ceremony at an undisclosed Mormon Tabernacle and buried next to his hemorrhoids.

Many of my readers will be saddened to know that Glenn Beck was stricken with appendicitis last week and thereby missed out on taking an active role in Michele Bachmann’s Teaparty Extravaganza/FAIL on Thursday.

One of my Twitter followers pointed out that I neglected to cover Glenn in a tweet that I made regarding his illness.
The Tweet was something along the line of

Each year 390 Americans die from appendicitis. Why couldn’t one of them have been Glenn?

In an effort to set the record straight, I wanted to post it here because I know the little man-baby egomaniac stops by here on a regular basis. (He does all his own research, you know, PLUS he’s a paranoid little ‘tard who thinks everyone is out to get him. GLENN, take your meds, dude, NOBODY really gives a shit.) I wanted to make sure that he gets the message even if his manservant won’t read insulting, bad tweets to him.

In related news, ThinkProgress had a story that postulates that Glenn is likely in the care of SEIU nurses. Oooh, SCARY! I wonder if Glenn has thought that through, and if so, did he double his around-the-clock no-neck staff plus his team of personal physicians? LOL!

Glenn is probably still sore about what happened to his ass last time he was in the hospital. He made the famous video clip where he’s obviously feeling very sorry for himself and wonders how all the people with no insurance who aren’t millionaire media stars make it. Obviously that hasn’t changed his position on health insurance reform, though, because THAT’S an Obama socialist fascist Nazi plot! LOL here we go….

Glenn says that his care was incredibly bad and he has stories that will “melt your brain”. For some reason he brings up the “president of GE” as being a patient there (is that public information? I don’t think so…) and if “they don’t care about the president of GE, you really think they care about schlubs that are just average working stiffs?” WTF are you talking about, Glenn? Are you comparing yourself to the president of GE? Are you calling yourself a “working stiff” with your estimated $18 million annual income?

I truly believe that whatever happened to Glenn Beck while he was in the hospital was a visit from Instant Karma and I don’t think he “got” it. Glenn, you’re not a schlub, you’re a schmuck. And Mormons don’t use words like that, it’s against your cult orders. BTW, are you even circumcised? If not, don’t worry about it, they can have you in and out of there before you can say “Bony Moroni”.