The Glenn Beck Report

Will the slings and arrows never stop for the intrepid Mr. Beck? Oh, the misfortune, oh, the pain! Expect a severe weeping episode coming to a Glenn Beck TV show SOON!

South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham seems like an unlikely source for an “attack” on Glenn Beck. But, as some have reported (Keith Olbermann), Graham took a mild swat in Beck’s general direction today at the First Draft of History conference (GOP self-congratulatory love-fest) , claiming that Beck is not a Republican (false) and that he’s a cynic (true) in a nation of believers (unlikely after the collapse the economy, but Graham pulls out the old “Aw shucks, we’re all Americans” gambit.) Watch the video:

Glenn Beck absolutely is a Republican, he is NOT a Libertarian as he claims. Graham can disagree all he wants but the videotape of Beck spewing the GOP line night after night is absolute proof that Beck is a phony GOP populist, and a racist whack job to boot. Did you see the clip from today where Beck holds up a can of Copenhagen tobacco to somehow accuse the Obama Administration of causing cancer because they’re trying to bring the International Olympics to Chicago? Pure-D whack if ever I saw it.

In other Glenn Beck news today, Glenn Beck called Bill Maher “low brow” for telling Joy Behar that he expected to see Beck crack up on air and be wearing womens’ clothing or playing with his own feces. I dunno, seems possible to me. If he ever stops playing with the bat-guano.

As a side note, Senator Graham also called the Teabaggers “crazy” and slammed Rush Limbaugh for the hold he has over the GOP. Graham said, “Let’s knock this crap off and talk about the real differences we have.” I wonder if he was referring to the crap that Maher predicts that Glenn Beck will be playing with?

UPDATE: On Beck’s October 2nd program, he and Stu (I don’t know who “Stu” is, but I think it’s short for “Stooge”) discuss the video above. In Glenn’s Universe, two things pop out about this. First, the GOP is down in the 20% range because of “phony” GOPERs like Lindsey Graham. Second, according to Stu, Glenn couldn’t be a cynic because he has cried at least twice in the last year.

Now I know you probably think I’m making this up. I wish I could, then I could write comedy for cable, but in this case trash is imitating art. They said it.

My thoughts. To the first point, Glenn’s assertion that the GOP is turning into the pup tent party because of people like Graham, it’s all I can do just to keep myself from keeling over with laughter. When it’s convenient for Glenn’s argument, the GOP is actually the majority party. Now that they are trying to get his crap off of their shoes, they are marginalized because they are not following his instructions!
That is pure hilarity, all by itself. To the second point, well, it’s become apparent thanks to the video dug up and posted at http://gawker.com/ that the Beck crying stuff is chemically induced, and I don’t mean hallucinogenics. It’s just the application of Vick’s Vapo-Rub. They out to rename it in Glenn’s honor… Vick’s Vapid-Rub. Glenn Beck, this comment is for you… you can run but you can’t hide, buddy. The truth is catching up to you.